if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
