The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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