Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
