I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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