hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
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