It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
