dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
