So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
