Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
