so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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