Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
accomplished twins. life is a go
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
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