Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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