dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
