my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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