The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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