We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
