i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
