listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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