can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
