I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
