If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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