i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
