someone threw a dead crab at me
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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