If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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