i just had sex bonerless
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
