I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
