Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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