Welp...herpes.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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