I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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