and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
