I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just saw a hot homeless man
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
