Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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