Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
This is classic penis vs brain.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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