dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
