he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Randomize
