I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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