At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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