I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
