Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
