my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
