Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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