He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
