Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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