I just pynch a tree in the face
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
