would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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