he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
