My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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