Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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