theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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