I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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