We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
