I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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