omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
