Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
