Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Come see our sink grown plant.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
